Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Update... brace yourself its not pretty

To be completely honest I feel like most of the time I have nothing noteworthy to report. All the new I have has to be with someone just dying, the anniversary of some one's death, or someone is in the hospital. We celebrated my little brother's 20th birthday on the 11th but my dad being emitted to the hospital put a little bit of a damper on things. I made a complete fool out of myself in front of the Bill Gates of Paul Mitchell on the 14th, it wasn't pretty lets not talk about it. My teacher at school got married and I made her wedding cake. It was a lot of work but totally worth it cause my mother taught me how to make cakes and I think the end result would have made her proud. She wanted a simple cake to go along with her relatively simple but elegant and beautiful wedding. The wedding happened to be on the 18th which is the two year anniversary of my brother Nathan's death. It was a hard day but the cake helped to keep my mind off of things. After dropping off the cake to the reception my little brother and I went to go visit my dad who is STILL in the hospital. We originally took him in because he was retaining water which is not good for someone with congestive heart failure. As we went to go visit we found out that he had an infection that spread to his blood stream, muscle spasms that left him basically crippled, and had to have surgery on his wrist. I was upset seeing all that was going on with my dad and wondered why the doctor had not kept us informed. I walked with my brother to the nurses station and asked if I could talk to the physician that was on duty her reply was, " well.... sure.... but is your mom with you?" I quickly replied "my mom is dead you're gonna have to talk to me" I understand I look young for my age but really? He is still in the hospital but we are hoping he will be home soon. Other then that not much to report.... oh yeah and I have strep throat!

I was talking to Ethan last night about how I really sound like a depressing person and that our lives at this point in time are mildly depressing. I am not depressed I enjoy my life. I just feel that the LDS population or our generation has redefined the meaning of the word "blog" Our blogs seen to be filled with nothing but the positive wonderful great things in our lives and nothing that is real. I find most blogs depressing because all they say is how wonderful everyone one Else's lives are and I feel they paint a unreal picture perfect world. Come on people I know you have bad days be honest. Lets here about the bad days once in awhile at least so I don't feel so bad. =)
Nathan Adams
My siblings and I paying tribute to our brother by "mooning" the casket.... if you new him you would understand

The wedding cake I made

Sunday, October 5, 2008


Ok so I was reading my cute friend Kellee's blog and she tagged me. So here it goes...

8 TV Shows You Watch...

1. What Not to Wear
2. The Hills
3. What Not to Wear
4. Project Runway
5. America's Next Top Model
6. What Not to Wear
7. CSI
8. and What Not to Wear

Favorite Restaurants...

1. DONUT WHEEL!!!!!!!!!!
2. Cafe Rio
3. Macaroni Grill
4. Red Robin
5. Fresco
6. Wynn Buffet
7. Bueno Vita
8. My mom's kitchen.... No one could top my moms cooking...

Things that Happened Yesterday...

1.Went to school
2. Went shopping with Ruby
3. Lost/got my wallet stolen in forever 21
4. Searched for my wallet
5. Didn't find my wallet
6. Went to dinner with hubby and friends
7. Had sleep over with Ruby
8. Was pissed about getting my wallet stolen

8 Thing I Look Forward To...

1. The first time I feel my moms presence around me when I need her the most
2. Financial stability
3. Being done with school
4. Making something of myself
5. Having children
6. Having more time with my husband
7. Buying my first house
8. Being with all my family again in heaven

8 Things On My Wish List...

1. Being with my mom and brother again
2. Everything on previous top eight
3. Being able to buy something without worry about cost
4. For my sister to move back to Utah
5. Being a top make-up and hair artist
6. For my husband to be successful
7. To always be happy
8. To go on vacation with just me and my husband

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Time for a Change

I chopped off all of my hair, bleached most of it, and dyed some purple... what do you think?

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I couldn't help it

So my little brother recently had surgery on his wrist. He had to write a paper for his english class and needless to say found typing quite difficult. So naturally he asked me to help. He had to write about one incident that completely changed his life. He chose to write about my mom. Well I couldn't help it I basically wrote the paper for him. (don't tell his teacher)

It was August of 2006 when one doctors appointment determined how my life would be for the next couple of years. She had not been feeling well for sometime but you couldn’t tell by her attitude. It was the last day of my Eagle Scout project and we had been working hard all day. The phone rang; the doctor called to set up an appointment and asked my mother and father to come in to talk. Ovarian cancer is a funny thing. It is nearly impossible to detect and in my mom’s case was detected too late. She didn’t tell me right away. She made a statement while we were driving, “you won’t be able to do that when I am not here.“ I asked question after question until my dad pulled the car over and she looked at me and said, “I have cancer.“ The word “cancer” left me confused. I knew cancer was an illness and I knew what I had seen on television but I had no idea how physically, emotionally, and mentally it would be on all of my family. She had in stage, stage five ovarian cancer and the time frame was short. They gave her six months to a year to live. Six months to a year for any other person but doctor did not know my how stubborn my mother was.
Times where hard. My days where spent in hospitals, chemo appointments, and doctors visits. The first chemo session put her in the hospital for two weeks. The tumor that was the size of two softballs had let out a poison into her body that nearly took her life. Infectious disease teams where brought in from around the state to help her. Her next surgery took place in November of 2006. She has over 30 pounds of internal organs removed that had been attacked by the cancer. She spent a month in the hospital and 53 staples and a lot of pain later she was able to return home. Two tubes remained in her side for the next month to help drain any infection from where her spleen was. It took her three months to be strong enough to go back on chemo. Another tumor the size of a softball formed where her spleen used to be and put her back in the hospital for surgery. Chemo attacks the fast growing cells and makes the healing time slower. It took her months to recover from the surgeries she had been through.
The next little while was full of ups and downs. She tried chemo after chemo and nothing seemed to be working. It was inevitable, there was no cure for the cancer but she refused to give up. She took every punch the cancer had to give her and then just turned the other cheek. She had the philosophy that you are only given what you can handle and she was ready for the challenge. She continued to do the things she wasn’t supposed to. She went camping, fishing, shopping, and even learned to quilt. She just decided that she was going to be herself with or without cancer. It was around July 2008 that things took a dramatic turn for the worse. Chemo has a tendency to upset the stomach and cause vomiting. Although vomiting is normal my mom started to throw up everything that she ate. After some convincing she let me take her to the hospital to make sure that everything was alright. I wasn’t ready for what happened next. She had tumors in her bowls that caused an obstruction. The obstruction didn’t allow any food to pass through her small or large intestines. The doctor said that this was it. She refused to believe it was true and with a tube through her noise pumping out the contents of her stomach and with no food or water for a total of three days she took her last round of chemo. The pain finally was too much to bear. She called my family into her hospital room and with eyes swollen with tears and a crack in her voice asked, “would you be disappointed with me if I gave up?” It wasn’t the doctors appointment, or the news of my mom getting cancer that changed my life it was those words. A couple of small words changed my life and the lives of my family forever.
It was August 7, 2008 when my mother died in our house on hospice. She doubled the time frame she was given and she did it with spunk and humor. She was strong, stubborn, independent, loud, obnoxious, rude, and completely priceless; she was my best friend.