Getting Ready for the Gravy Meltdown

I have a love hate relationship with Thanksgiving. I have the greatest memories of getting up at eight with my mom, who had been up since four. In our matching red aprons we would rock out to oldies and bake up a storm. My mom was from Mississippi and she believed that everything had to be from scratch. We would slice and dice and I would try to take notes. She always cooked for an army. We never cooked less the two 24lb birds because she thought that everyone should be able to take some home. The gravy was her specialty. She made it from scratch and NEVER used corn starch. She would make a roue' with oil and flour and whisk it until it was brown, then she would add the drippings from the turkey and the starch water from the potatoes and season to taste. It was never too salty or lumpy. It was so good you could feel your arteries tense just by smelling it! I made the mistake of not taking the time to write down my moms recipes before she passed. Now it is my job to make everything from scratch and get up at four with out her. All in all I think I do a pretty good job. I am not intimidated by a 24lbs turkey and I also believe everything should be made from scratch. But when it comes to the gravy..... every year ends with a gravy meltdown. I try to make the gravy as my mom did but I can never seem to get it just right. For some reason the gravy always end with me sitting on the floor, ladle in hand, crying. Ethan knows this happens and it always prepared. He watches me throughout the day cooking and tasting waiting for the gravy to come. Then with tissues in hand he sits on the floor with me and just lets me cry.
As I started baking pies today I was hit with the reality of how blessed I am. I have wonderful memories with my mom which is more then some can say. She taught me well. I have a sweet husband who without judgment or getting annoyed lets me cry over gravy. And even if I do not get it right this year I always have next year to try again. I have brothers who wont eat Thanksgiving anywhere else because only I can make it like mom used to. I am a very blessed individual.
Today is my mom's birthday and I have decided to celebrate with some oldies a red apron and some of her favorite recipes. Happy Birthday Mom and thank you for everything.