Peter Pan'n It

This last weekend my husband and I went to Rexburg Idaho, where we went to college and met, so he could make a film with some of his friends and I could have a small little weekend away. It was a bitter sweet trip. It was great to see all of our friends. As we sat at dinner with someone of them it made me kinda sad. Everyone I know is progressing with their lives. Most of my friend are pregnant and starting their families, or going on missions, about to graduate with school, and live in cute apartments and have their own lives. I feel like right now I am in a peter pan stage, I am not yet a women and not a child. Ethan and I have made some sacrifices as a couple to be here for my family. Don't get me wrong, with these sacrifices comes great reward. I just feel like everyone is progressing and I, or we are not. I will be taking care of my dad for the rest of his life. I love him and there is such a comfort in knowing that I am doing my all to keep the commandment to honor thy mother and father. He is all I have left as of three months ago and I want no regrets. I find myself at time looking at apartments online just for fun and as I am cleaning the house wondering what it would be like to have my own place again. I upset with myself for thinking these thoughts because if I learned anything from the death of my mother it is that time is always too short. It has been a relatively short time since the passing of my mother and I have to remind myself of that all the time. Too often I think that is no longer ok for me to be sad because she has been gone for longer then a week. As her birthday and Thanksgiving rolls around I am plagued with regret. Why didn't I write down her stuffing recipe? Why didn't I make a bigger deal of her last birthday? Why didn't I just hold her hand when she asked me to? Why didn't I....?